These lies below twisted my image of God. Finally, I comprehended that it was mostly my fault ’cause I tightly closed a heart. I couldn’t stand & bear it anymore; there appeared an enormous desire of restart and a desire of God’s forgiveness but it was the beginning. Before, I thought:
-later will be time for God
-a very busy lifestyle ’cause we see what bothers in the silence
-rely on myself & especially pride plus self-love but highlighting if personal drama will appear, then I’m going to call or blame God
-if I chose God, he will limit me completely at life desires
-It’s not possible that God will forgive me all sins; that’s why I’m going to stay with my broken life. I don’t know how to prepare myself to the confession ’cause I cannot remember after yrs
-He is deaf on my life problems & calling – doesn’t care
So, the only person who really wanted to cross out before God – it was me. I changed my mind. He found me ’cause I wanted to be found. I ran out in my hopelessness to meet Christ. I gave up my pride – then He came. When we get stuck in the life darkness & emptiness – we desire the Light.