I’ve experienced some of this Love before, but later my relation with God has gone, so I fell over seriously with the years. I left God as Judas. I betrayed and doubted as St Peter. There was already after the conversion when I found my own story in the Bible – it’s Luke 7:36-50. Then, I totally fell in love in Christ – again; more and more with everyday. I know now that it all had to happen. Now, I imagine myself always as Mary Magdalene who washed of tears his feet and wiped them of hair. She knew how many sins Jesus forgave her. She felt the weight all of them and with me is the same. I am conscious of what Jesus forgave me. So, where appears the painful weight of own weaknesses, I still try to picture this amazing scene in the Bible and I really feel better. I heard the other day a retreat where the priest said; everyone has his own story in the Bible if you will find it – you will fall in love in Christ forever but we can amplify our seeking. In my episode I still find enormously loving Jesus who hugs by those words and says them constant. I experience this moment so real and they alive in my heart – the forgiveness of everything what I have done and also this verse from Isaiah: See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. Where Christ forgives the sins it extremely moves! I desire to wash his feet but in the same way like she did. I still do it throughout a deep humility in heart – again & again. There is my beloved moment in the Bible apart the Passion also.
He gives a lots of small and sweet proofs of Love. I still say to Christ by the heart. I cannot describe my happiness when ensures about His Love, when silences the storms. He is so gentle and always on time. Even if, the doubts & darkness appear Christ is next to us. I feel He is always one step behind and this step seems like a thousands miles. I miss him in this time but now I am more patient than before. The darkness is necessary to make us stronger and more closer to him. He gives a lots of sweetness but also – from time to time – stops them for awhile for; returns bringing more soothing proofs. I love his sense of humor it’s special. It is always heartwarming and strengthening. I thank for the consolation. If we’re grateful for the sweetness – even if, they are really small but we notice and appreciate them – Christ will send more and more them constantly in a huge amounts. Jesus shows how weak I am but desires me like I am – the imperfect creature and makes his own treasure.
My beloved Jesus, help me to preserve a pure heart. Amen.