We often close the heart or resign completely if the things run constant wrong & uphill. I did but this decision brought me more a spiritual wounds than I’ve had before. I was angry on God and blaming him that he probably does not see what happens throughout leaving me with no help as I thought. I experience how much every step forward costs but this one becomes gold to Christ. Gold ’cause so expensive. It’s easy to trust when the things are going great while there is no difficulties. I’ve understood it should be a little effort which I didn’t want to take. What does it mean to have a faith to me? She trusts when the storm comes. She Is – accepting God’s Will if there is a hazy hope and we cannot see nothing. The faith means to me constant questions to preserve her. She is a profound love as a child to his father – he would never leave. I wanted to give up again but I said to Jesus: I will strive till the end. Hold my hand, do not let go cause I’ve wanted to leave. So, I close my eyes and say; I trust though I don’t understand. If the doubts appear I still pray: I trust though don’t understand. Amen.